Wow! With a shock I realized this week that we are half-way through our summer. The new Metro Schools' summer. You know. The one where the parents were allowed to vote on year-round school and they voted "no," and the system decided to do it anyway by stretching out holidays and creeping into summer so that school resumes August 1. That one. Oh, you thought Grace graduated, didn't you? She did. We've got three years left in the system, however–per federal laws governing services to students with disAbilities. So, she'll be in a Community Based Transition Program (CBTP). That's a post for another day soon. But we are very pleased about it.
So, there I go, this was to be a positive post. And I went south already. Yet, overall, my attitude has taken a turn for the better this week. After Monday. (I don't dislike Monday, it was just this Monday was another tough day.) And then, I decided to get over myself. I'd been grousing about this new life of increasingly aging out of services. Is it easy? Hell, no! But, my attitude sure wasn't helping either! I decided to surrender. Some things I cannot change. Or some at least not right now. I can only live this present moment and take each step and next "now moment" as it comes. I can continue to work for change. And cease the struggle. Cease the angst that I was causing in my perception of how I wanted/insisted/expected things to be. I was running up against a brick wall. Again. And. Again. I built that wall and I decided to stop banging my head against the damn thang.
I've been angry. And, I also realized that it's part of the grieving process. Grieving the losses I am feeling at this stage of my daughter's disAbility journey. I cut myself some slack. Gave myself…some. Grace. I speak professionally about these stages regularly. And, I go through them, too. And right now, it's intense. But, it's easing, a lot because of my attitude.
So, amid these very crowded days of our third summer of aging out of autism services, I've been very deliberate about taking stolen moments for self-nurture. Instagram is my current creative-soul-nurturing joy. Like turning down a side road on the way home the other evening and taking this shot, above. Like riding with the top down, stereo blaring something loud and raucous. (That's always a go-to therapy when the weather forecast is a winning one.)
Grace has been joyful this week. Her normal very happy self. Last week, I was concerned about her. Was she catching my unhappiness, I'm now wondering? I don't know. This week, we both turned a corner.
Next week Grace goes to overnight camp, her third summer. Woo-hoo! And I'll be working on the book again. And then four more weeks. I'll be nose to the computer during the days this coming week and then playing in the evenings and ending the week with a writers's retreat.
Folks: I think I'm going to survive this summer after all. The answer was within all the time: How I formed my thoughts. I'm glad I remembered that I held the key. Have a great weekend. We will….
Checking in Part I is here. And, you can read more about the normal grief cycle of the autism/disAbility journey, as I've experienced it, in the "grief and loss" section of "The Journey with Grace."
