It was the second time it happened. The first was in 1997, during the throes of grief and uncertainty after my 27-month-old had just been diagnosed with autism. The second time was sometime around 2006 or 2007. Sometime between relationships. I was at a redlight. Both moments were indelible….
Both times it was as if a public announcement speaker was turned on inside of my head:
“Be okay in the not knowing.”
The voice firmly yet kindly ordered….
What was that?….
I’ve learned that my angels, my spirit guides, the voice of the divine sometimes have to use a megaphone to get my attention. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, it’s a bit jarring. What was that? And where did it come from? But I know to listen.
This wasn’t the blog post I thought I’d be writing this morning. But that PA system came on during my meditation and repeated this same message of long ago: “Be okay in the not knowing.”
Oh. Yeah….
We’re living in times of not knowing. Not knowing when our social lives will resume. (Sometimes it seems like. Never.) When will our economy will recover? When will the restaurants and the services we used to patronize reopen? Here in Tennessee, we’re reopening today. Sigh. Before I learned Grace’s personal assistant needed to take off yesterday afternoon, I’d planned to join a drive-by protest around the capitol building objecting our governor’s ill-fated decision to open our Southern red state today. Tennessee’s COVID19 cases are continuing to rise and have not yet peaked.…To hell with social distancing. Sigh.
This crisis has taught us many things if we’ve been open to seeing the abundance of lessons. One of them is patience. None of us know the future. But, pre-pandemic, we took for granted what tomorrow would bring. The pandemic is a reminder that we need to cultivate patience. Patience in dwelling in the uncertainty. Deep breaths and patience in the feelings of stir crazy. (Here’s an excellent article by the pioneer on emotional intelligence, Dr. Marc Brackett, Ph.D., on how to deal with the tide of emotions so many of us are experiencing.) Patience in…the not knowing….
So what do we have left in the meantime? And how do we cope? Again, if we’ve been open to learning, the pandemic has taught us to savor the little things….
Another indelible moment in my life occurred around 2003. I was newly divorced. As we meditated, one of my teachers, Arunima Orr, founder of Art & Soul Studio, told us that, though we may have endured trauma in many forms during our lives, we all had the deep blue sky. The beauty of the clouds. The warm sunshine….
That first fall after Grace’s diagnosis, as I navigated 7:30 AM traffic to take my preschooler to early intervention programming at Vanderbilt University, I remember the surprise of savoring the surrounding beauty. Daily I drove bumper-to-bumper grieving that this was not the life I’d planned for us. I’d planned to be at home with her. But I began to notice: how rich the aroma and the first taste of my morning latte. The crunch and crackle of leaves underneath my car tires as I arrived on campus. I learned the feel of heart-swelling gratitude for the teachers and therapists who chose special education as their profession.
…If we’ve been open, COVID19 has forced us to stop and savor the abundance of what we do have. The relationships we might have forgotten to really cherish. The lush nature outside our windows or in the free parks.
Getting out into our backyards or those parks, immersing in nature, we have the opportunity to connect to the sentient essence that runs through Mother Earth. The universe. Through us. The universal One. There’s no manmade chaos in nature if left on its own. There’s no mindless human chatter or worry about tomorrow. In nature we are reminded. Be quiet. Be still. Be present….
Be okay in the not knowing.
Image: Virginia Creeper Trail, Damascus, Va.; Android phone, 2012 ©LeisaHammett.com
