Mother’s day. This year’s Hallmark celebration came and went. And, my own Mother’s been gone for seven years now. Oddly, I feel closer to her now than I may have ever felt when she was living. That’s due mostly to the shifts within me. I spoke last week to a friend who just lost his mother and he noted the transformation that it had created within him. The death of our parents can do that.
For, me it was more Daddy’s death, than mother’s, that tilted my world. But Daddy’s death, and the serious soul-mining since, brought me to a greater understanding of my journey with Mother and, ultimately, to forgiveness of her.
Forgiveness is a concept firmly entrenched in the Christian religion. I appreciate more the Buddhist and metaphysical take that maybe forgivess of others isn’t necessary. If anyone, maybe it is ourselves we need to forgive and to see the perfection in it all. These are radical thoughts for many, I know. It is where my spiritual journey has ventured.
It is my truth that everything is as it is “supposed” to be, and we’ve chosen the people who are in our lives to teach us lessons. And they learn lessons from us and from their own lives. And in the rawness, the unschooled of living life, we sometimes treat each other in less than optimal ways. When I look at the big picture, I can see the hurt, pain, the deprivation, the gaps in my parent’s upbringing that caused them to pass on their pain.
At some point this year, I realized I had finally forgiven my mother for the frequent criticisms, the entrenched prejudices, for the flawed navigational map of the world she etched upon my psyche. Flawed but full of opportunity for me to trudge further along the lifetimes of my spiritual journey and reroute old ways. Flawed but perfect. Just what I chose. Just what I needed in this lifetime.
I feel her presence frequently now. I feel her unconditional love. I know that she knows now. She, too, sees the big picture. She now sees the lessons that she did not learn in her lifetime. I am grateful for the instrumental and key role she played in my life, the optimal and the not so much so. I feel complete in our relationship. All is well. Thank you, Mother. And, happy belated Mother’s Day. Namaste.
Leisa,
I identify in many ways with this post. Forgiving someone for something they’ve done to us is for our benefit. Not theres. Some people may not realize we’re carrying around that kind of emotional baggage. It can weigh us down and by forgiving them, without them knowing it, it makes me feel lighter. It’s one less thing on my plate I have to carry with me.
I also believe your mother knows and sees everything clearly now. Mine will as well when she passes on, as will we. In the meantime, as you so astutely pointed out, we do our best to understand they were more than likely passing on their pain to us. My mother used to tell me she was doing the best she could. When I was a kid, that annoyed me to no end, because often her best was a disaster. Now that I have a better understanding of some of her issues and insecurities, I realize she was doing her best.
XOXOXO,
Brenda
Yes! Thank you for commenting, Brenda. You are so beautiful. Inside and out. And I can tell that in the short time I was with you at BAM and through what you shared there and through your blog. What a journey you’ve had! I recall a mother saying early on my journey with autism, “we just have to forgive a lot.” The upshot: if we don’t we carry around a pot of toxins brewing within us. xo
Leisa It’s wonderful that you have found your peace. My mother has never been easy and since childhood has actually taught me the gift of forgiveness, having much practice with it. I believe it’s the main theme of what Jesus has done for me. That’s truth for me, and when people have perfect lives, it’s harder for them to grasp the beauty of forgiveness. Forgiving others is a practice but it helps us forgive ourselves too. You are on a wonderful journey sharing your heart with others and it will help others too.
Awww, Angela, I’ve got tears welling up. What a kind, generous remark. Thank you. xo
…Feel like you get me. 🙂
This is beautiful and truly insightful, Leisa. I believe that forgiveness is about letting go, releasing, and accepting that things could not have gone differently and being at peace with it. From what you wrote, it really sounds to me like you are there. That takes a lot of courage and the strength to be willing to heal and I admire you for it. You also highlighted something very important–that people are in our lives to teach us and this learning experience rarely happens in a state of perfection. Growth happens when people’s imperfections surface and are seen as perfect opportunities rather than mere flaws. Thank you for this essay.
Joy, dear, thanks for your insightful reply. Hope to see you at a gathering this summer. x
Great post Leisa!
Thanks, Sam. I love your “Filing Systems Rule the World!”