I grew up Southern Baptist, and as much as I’d like to think I’ve recovered from toxic religion, (at least that was/is my experience of much of it, albeit not all,) I understand why women don’t come forward. I know what my culture of yore thinks and how they judge women. A judgment that’s rarely, if ever, rendered a man. And from what I’m hearing and the little bit that I’ve not managed to curate out of my eyesight, there’s women out there who have never experienced being physically overtaken by a man against their will and who are joining their voices in bashing the accusers making Washington headlines.

Easy to judge if it never happened to you.

I was held down against my will. I said “NO!” “No” confused him. And then it made him angry. I’ll stop short of sharing more details, that only in the last week that I was was able to realize and label as a sexual assault.* It’s too private and this is too public. It feels very, very vulnerable to share this one paragraph right here. It even feels a little. shameful. And, I know that shame circles back to the remains of toxic religion and toxic culture. And, it’s not right.

Compassion, people! Walk a mile! This is why women, at least a great number of us, are RAGING right now. OMFG. I was a young adult woman being harassed in the workplace while Anita Hill was put on trial. What has changed? If anything, the culture is worse. Two more generations of men have been raised in an even more sexualized culture where women’s bodies are still chattel to be used at a man’s fancy. *Not all men, of course.* Thank goodness. But far too many men.

Our culture is *sick!* And I now get it. We really do live in a rape culture. And, I’ve also finally become jaded enough to join in the chorus that our congressional leaders perpetuate all that belittles women.

#SHAME Not shame on me and her and her and her. Shame on the men and the women who don’t believe women when they risk scorn, ridicule, death threats, and ostracization to come forward. Shame.

When will it change?

Will it change?

*My intention is to blog more about how I came to realize and process the assault incident a little over three decades ago. All the ruckus in Washington has triggered memories. This is just one, although it’s the only one of assault. I saw a therapist early this week to understand how and why *my* mind stored and processed this and the sexual harassment the way it did. What I learned about me and how the culture of the time played a role in processing was enlightening.