Last November, The Seminar Slut attended NVC Nashville's "Parenting from the Heart." Since SS goes to so many seminars, she's frequently months behind posting her seminar findings here.  SS is a regular at local NVC conferences and thinks that maybe her brain and heart maybe absorbing some of this dynamic tool for connection.  First, a definition of Nonviolent Communication from NVC Nashville's website:

"Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is a process developed by Marshall Rosenberg and others which people use to communicate with greater compassion and clarity. It focuses on two things: honest self-expression — exposing what matters to oneself in a way that’s likely to inspire compassion in others, and empathy — listening with deep compassion. Formal NVC self-expression includes four elements: observations (distinguished from interpretations/evaluations), feelings (emotions separate from thoughts), needs (deep motives) and requests (clear, present, doable and without demand).

"Those who use Nonviolent Communication (also called “compassionate communication”) describe all actions as motivated by an attempt to meet human needs. However, in meeting those needs, they seek to avoid the use of coercion (e.g., inducing fear, guilt, shame, praise, blame, duty, obligation, punishment, or reward). The goal of NVC is to create a situation in which everyone’s needs are understood. The assumption is that, from this state of mutual understanding, new strategies will flow that meet some needs of everyone. A key principle of nonviolent communication that supports this is the capacity to express oneself without use of good/bad, right/wrong judgment, hence the emphasis on expressing feelings and needs, instead of criticisms or judgments."

"Parenting from the Heart," will occur again, Saturday, May 7 in Nashville. SS Take home notes from November:

"Labels are for stored foods. Not for kids."

"Compassionate Communication (aka nonviolent communication) is a process and a practice. The result is connection."

"When I live my life to connect with others heart to heart, then compassion, truth, etc. flows…."

"NO!" "STOP THAT!" Some of our childhood wounds pass. Others leave scar tissue. A wall. A wall protecting our essence, the love of our hearts, joy and peace….

Others' pain then often stimulates pain in us. [Reminds me of Harville Hendrix IMAGO therapy and his book, Getting the Love you Want….We attract into our love lives the people who will help us heal our childhood wounds.]

Robert Bly: [paraphrased] We are all born with a bag. It's empty. But into it we put guilt, depression, etc. At some point we can come to grips with the bag's contents and decide these things are no longer true for me. [Beautiful.]