As I dumped the water, noticing how thirsty the roses, and as I refilled the vase, I thought: these are some of the most beautiful roses I’ve ever had. And. Funny: I bought them for myself. Then I realized how fitting….

Whether you have a partner or not this Valentine’s Day, what is the most important is that you love yourself. 2021 has taught me that I must ramp up my self-care. 2020 is behind us, but this cultural revolution we’re in is still a bumpy ride.

I’ve not blogged since the launch of the new year because I haven’t known what to say. I’ve spent much of the time trying to figure out what the heck is going on. It’s as if I had such great hopes for a new beginning, and then my energy kept getting stuck. I’ve never identified as an empath per se, but anyone sensitive can’t help but feel the collective chaos that’s “everywhere. It’s everywhere in the air,” said my friend, Sophia during out Facetime last night.

I realized that in the chaos of the new year, I needed to make all the more effort to get out every day this overall gray winter. It’s not convenient to stop my work day to get out before 3, but my body’s demanded it. The crisp air and the sunshine/daylight, the exercise, have felt rejuvenating. This month, when I feel they are needed, I’ve added dancing, chakkra-centric essential oil sprays, some saging, qi-gong and five minutes of doodling to my morning meditation practices. When I journal, I’m listing three brags, three gratitudes and three desires. And I ask my soul what it needs today. The answer always comes easily. A ready whisper. If I have worries, I write them down on a small piece of paper and put them in my worry box. Author Tosha Silver calls this a “God box.” It’s an act of offering up and surrendering.

“We’ve never lived through *anything* like this before in the history of our lives, Leisa,” said my chiropractor to me, Friday. She encouraged me to be gentle and patient with myself. “Here,” she said before I left. “Give me your hand.” In it she placed a beautiful hand-blown piece of glass made into the shape of a bear. “You’re hibernating right now. This won’t last forever.” True.

Intention. Intentional.
I used to buy budget bouquets every couple of weeks when I shopped for groceries. Mid December, I shut down further, grocery shopping only online. I’ve not had fresh flowers since. Until now. When online grocery shopping Thursday, I searched for flowers. I spent double my usual upper limit for them. I’m so glad I did. When I retrieved our groceries from my doorstep, there they laid atop my bags. For me. It’s my message to me that I may not have a companion right now, but I love me. I value me.

For brunch Saturday morning, I made a mimosa; a spinach, red pepper, and mushroom omelet, with a side of leftover homemade cream of tomato soup and a slice of homemade bread I’d stashed in the freezer last month. Saturday afternoon, I was invited to a Galentine’s gathering via Zoom where everyone worked on their own art projects. I received a card in the mail from my artist friend Eileen Tomson. I left it at on my placemat to open Sunday morning on Valentine’s day. Before Grace comes home, I’ll bake some heart shaped brownies.

We’re coming up on a year of living in a locked down state. This is hard. (We can do hard things.) But that anniversary, I think is probably pricking our psyche….Love yourself. It’s foundational. I get it now. It was one of many aha’s during pandemic 2020. It’s more than a saying to me now. If I don’t love me, (warts and all,) how can I love others who also bear flaws?

This Valentines, I don’t have a partner. I’m finding an odd peace with that. 2021 surprised me. It said to wait. It said to work on that next book, (I’m working!); relaunch Grace’s art online, (it’s underway!); launch your own art online, (booked a how-to a course in two weeks). Hang in there, kid. You can do this. That time will come.

Love yourself.
Love yourself this Valentine’s day.
And. Everyday. xoxo

ADDENDUM: It may be obvious (because of tense,) that I wrote the above yesterday, on Saturday, the day before Valentine’s. I wrote it at midnight and it didn’t somehow seem complete. I edited it. Added mediocre pictures to it and published it this morning. And then this came to me:

It’s interesting…I’m searching for words. I think I’ve had some sort of breakthrough.