A good night's sleep, I had. It began on the sofa where I intentionally pulled a throw over myself and stretched out until midnight, when I then proceeded to my bed. A good night's sleep + a shower and the revelation came:
Jealousy stems from belief in scarcity.
I had examined, while the hot blades of water pelted my flesh, why, the afternoon before, I had responded the way I did to a friend. My small, inner voice of truth warned me not to. I wasn't offensive to her. But I knew I was coming from a place of ego. I was coming from a life-long history of learned competitiveness via my mother. I was coming from scarcity–that there was not enough to go around. AHA! Jealousy–a touch of, which is what I felt–comes from scarcity.
As I do so often these days, I turned to my teacher. I confessed my slip of ego. And here is what he said:
"If you know who you are, you have no need to communicate as you did. Jealousy comes from a weak esteem and a weak esteem comes from not owning and knowing the truth of who you are."
Sometimes I forget. I am learning to forget less. And, to remember more.
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Written in February, I unearthed this "emergency post" while I take the week off, mostly offline, this last precious (yes, it is, I got my attitude adjusted, sans alcohol,) week of full summer. Enjoy!
