So call me "Cougar." He was pretty easy on the eyes. He wore tall, caramel-colored boots. Skinny-legged jeans tucked in. By his side was a high-end, sleek model motorcycle helmet. His lap-top shouted his renegade politics: bumper stickers brandishing "Ron Paul" "REVOLUTION" (with the fourth through sixth letters spelled backwards–LOVE,) and "Legalize the Constitution."

I noticed the young man glancing over at Grace and I but I assumed it was to see if we registered the volume of his  visual-political messages….Shoulda known. Of course. Can't go out in public with my teen daughter with autism without getting noticed. But, that's okay….

This is what happens to me, on purpose, when I get my haircut every six weeks. I don't try this at home. Both do's by Lunatic Fringe, Franklin, Matt Fine, owner and photographer. More here, at some point, about our disAbility mother-daughter day there. The purple hair is temporary. The disAbility, not. Purple hair or not, we get looks.

I was surprised when he approached me later and commented about the large bling-y bee-shaped broach I wear pinned to my puffy black down vest. His belated and beloved grandmother always wore broaches, he said, adding he'd not seen anyone wear one since she'd passed on. And then the subject turned to Grace. Really, I don't mind inquiries about her differences. I am not ashamed of my daughter's disAbility and I seize most any opportunity to educate. Too often, however, the questions turn to unasked-for-suggestions. And most often, the suggestions are not even buffered by inquiry first. And though the convo about the broach with the young man had chipped the ice, this suggestion was the most "out there" I'd heard in 15 years on the journey.

First question: Did Grace had Multiple Sclerosis? "No. She has autism." Then he proceeded to say autism and MS were similar. [Not.] He proceeded, stating that he wanted to share something that worked with his friend recently diagnosed with MS. Drum roll, please:

Marijuana….

OMG. Really? Give pot to my 18-year-old because she has autism? That's the most bizarre thing I've heard yet, I said.

"Really?" He responded back.

Actually, I realized later that I had heard of medicinal marijuana for MS. I support medical usage. I've had my share of friends who used the drug recreationally, too. I don't judge that. Honestly, I have never touched the stuff. (It's illegal and my old Southern Baptist goody-two shoes of yore apparently still fit.)

Once upon a time I might have walked away from this exchange pissed. (And, underneath anger is almost always hurt.) But, I maintained a calm inner space in his presence and spoke my truth: "Actually," I replied, "I don't consider disAbility a bad thing." He cocked his head slightly, appearing a bit curious. "My daughter and others like her can teach us many things: tolerance, servitude, joy, diversity. And," I added, "we can choose to look upon people of differences as broken or see the gifts that they bring us. I believe part of the Divine plan in my having been gifted a child not only with autism, but autism on the severe end, was so that I could use my gifts to help her realize and demonstrate the beauty of her own, one of which is her artistic ability."

I don't think that was the response he expected. And instead of anger/hurt, I chose to view his suggestion as well meaning. (And quite entertaining.)

So, pot and autism, huh? Come back next Wednesday for the weekly autism/disAbility feature on "The Journey with Grace," for "DisAbility Dialogues: Things People Say, Part II." I'll share some other things I've been offered up by well-meaning passersby, plus some from a community of mothers who also have special needs kids. It gets pretty interesting. And downright incredulous. And sometimes it's received as greatly insulting.

My. The things people say….

*I've since learned, which really doesn't surprise me after all these years, that pot is being used by some in the autism community. Again, it's not for me to judge another person's choices. Here's two "Journey with Grace" blog posts that skim such issues: "Jaded: Vantage Point from 15 Years on the Journey," and "Take Your Cure and Shove It" And upon further reflection, I recall our beloved former pyschiatrist, who no longer resides in the mainland U.S., and who is a renegade himself, told me about cannabis as a promising autism treatment. The autism "bio-medical docs" don't know what to make of me. Fact is, I've used integrative medicine for 25 years, more that many of them have been studying it–largely on their own post medical school. And, yet, I am slow to embrace a good chunk of it as applied to autism because of my philosophy on the disorder, et cetera….As they say in Facebook land: "It's complicated."

The rest of the series:

The Things People Say, Part II

The Things People Say In Church, Part III